


Like Lovers Do

by nancyddrew



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, From Sex to Love, Linstead, Secret Relationship, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, socialite au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:41:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21853885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nancyddrew/pseuds/nancyddrew
Summary: Jay works in Intelligence. Erin is a wealthy Chicago socialite, whose family owns Chicago Cubs. They meet at a bar, no last names, instant attraction. But can they survive in the world of spotlight? Are they willing to fight for it?
Relationships: Jay Halstead/Erin Lindsay
Comments: 8
Kudos: 60





	Like Lovers Do

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello! Hope you’re all well, I’m here after a while with an early Christmas present. I hope you guys like it, I’ve spent like a year slowly writing it. The idea credit goes to @sofferaddict on tumblr, brainstorming credit goes to my dear friend @izzyllewis and @queseraone, who’s also done an amazing job making sure it’s mistake and plot-hole free.
> 
> Prompt: Jay is who he is on the show, cop who works in Intelligence. Erin is a wealthy Chicago socialite, whose family owns one of the sports teams (Bulls, Cubs, Blackhawks, Bears). They meet at a bar, no last names or Jay would know who she was, the go to his place. They become a casual thing that leads to more with Erin having to tell him who she is, but they keep the relationship a secret….
> 
> Disclaimer: I borrowed two lines from Vampire Academy, I’m sure the fans will have no problems spotting them.
> 
> Disclaimer: I have zero idea how the actual business of owning a sports club works, so this is definitely a work of fiction. Bare with me.
> 
> This fic is pretty long, so I would appreciate if you truly let me know what you think and which parts you liked the most.

The party venue is crowded with people she doesn't care about, music she doesn't listen to, food she's grown tired of. None of this is her. None of this is what she wants to be doing at the present moment, but her mother’s stern look from the side makes her take another salmon puff, stuff it into her mouth, and nod pleasantly to a man who’s in the middle of a monologue. What’s his name again? Jack? John? They all blur together.

She sighs. _Shouldn’t she have gotten used to this by now?_ After all, her mother is always setting her up with a number of respectable young men she could potentially marry one day. They all come from a good family—it’s all about good name, good looks, good bank account balance.

In general, she can divide her mother’s suggestions into two groups. The first group, also her preferred one, is the boring guys. These are the guys she normally has nothing in common with. Sometimes, she swears they are boring on purpose, because they don’t want to be with her as much as she doesn’t want to be with them. The second group consists of guys who trace their fingers down her cheek, touch her thighs, and in no uncertain terms let her know they would love to show her a good time.

And really, Erin has nothing against sex, but when it comes to it, she has one clear rule. She chooses when, where, and most importantly, with whom.

So she smiles and remains polite, but always gets out of there as soon as she physically can.

“I’m sorry, you’ll have to excuse me for a moment.” She’s tempted to make a ruder comment as to why, but she swallows it and makes a beeline for the restrooms.

For a socialite, she’s rather unsocial. She knows that. But that’s just who Erin Lindsay is. A scandal, a rebel—unable to fit into a specific box—which is why she’s so appealing to the mass public. The daughter of a baseball mogul, owner of Chicago Cubs. As such, she was thrust in the world of money at a very young age, with certain expectations as to how she’s supposed to act. Under strict vigilance from her parents, she feels like a mere prisoner of her lush life.

And, she thinks as she reapplies the famous Dior red shade of lipstick, she is also tired of being here.

A back exit will do, which is exactly why she’s already bribed the bartender to be her friend for the night, and as he escorts her to the service exit, she thanks him before slipping into a car that’s already waiting.

She came, and she’s done the thing her mother said she had to do. Now it was time to do something fun.

* * *

Jay can feel her staring at him across the bar. She’s alone, nursing a half-empty martini in one hand, while the other hangs casually off the bar. She is—without an exaggeration—the most gorgeous woman in here tonight. She is also a constant attraction for guys, but the longer he watches, the more guys she blows off.

He signals to the bartender and he dutifully places a fresh drink in front of her. A gesture meaning to let her know he noticed her noticing him. It takes a while for him to relax, reminding himself he’s single now, and he doesn’t have to feel guilty for flirting with a gorgeous woman.

“Hi,” she says, her voice huskier than he’d imagined as she slides into the chair next to his, placing her glass on the bar.

“Hey there.” She’s even more stunning up close. It’s literally all he can think about at this moment in time. About her lips and her skin, and how much he’d love to touch her everywhere she’d let him. _Maybe it has been too long._

“I’m Erin.”

“Jay.” He’s finding it hard to breathe at the moment, due to her hand traveling up his thigh.

“I love that name. Jay.” He loves the way she pronounces it. The way it sounds almost exotic and not at all plain coming from her mouth.

“What are you doing here, all alone?” He asks, meeting her gaze unashamed.

“I’m not alone anymore,” she whispers. “And if you must know, girls just wanna have fun.”

They chat for a while—a light, fun conversation—until she places her hand on his thigh again. “Do you maybe want to get out of here?” She all but purrs the question into his ear.

_Oh, what the hell._ “I live right around the corner.”

“Let’s go.”

* * *

“A gun?” She asks. It doesn’t seem to disturb her—the weapon still holstered at his waist. If anything, it intrigues her.

“I’m a cop.” He doesn’t usually carry it, but he didn’t have time to change before meeting his CI—who never showed up anyway. Lucky for Jay.

“Well, then, officer,” she bites her lower lip.

“Detective actually.”

“You can search me any time you’d like.” Her voice gets more seductive with every word, yet she still looks flawless.

He wants to mess her up—that perfect exterior, that confident appearance. He wants to kiss off her lipstick until her lips are nothing but a red blur and not two delicately traced lines. He wants her raw and naked and when he grabs her, she doesn’t seem to mind.

The truth is, rough is almost the only way she’s ever had it, so she doesn’t really know any different. But just the way he’s looking at her, like he wants to try her on for size, is enough for wetness to pool between her legs. With her thighs pressed together, she leans in for a kiss.

Their lips finally meet—all the anticipation reaching a boiling point. The soft moans she lets out shoot blood straight to his groin, and he wonders why the hell she turns him on like this. He’s had no shortage of gorgeous women in his life, and she’s making him feel like a teenage boy.

Something savage awakens within him—a need to possess, to have, to make her _his._ Her limbs turn pliable under his touch, her body melting into his while trying to rid him of his clothes.

Her lashes flutter softly as her eyes shut, her head tilting back to give his ravishing lips a better access. In the meantime, her hands work his belt buckle almost expertly, and if his brain would work, he’d wonder how many times she does this kind of thing, but he can’t find a single care in his mind.

He scoops her up and rushes to the bedroom, where he throws her on the bed. She’s quite the picture—her dress has ridden up so he’s getting a glimpse of her underwear, her lips are swollen and smeared from his kisses. The best part about her is the lustful look in her eyes.

Non-ceremoniously, she reaches for the hem of her dress and pulls up, throwing it to Jay, who grins wickedly when she does. He wonders what kinds of sounds she’ll make when she comes around him.

“You minx.”

“What are you gonna do about it?” Everything about her—her pose, her words, the defiant look in her eyes—is screaming rebel. And he wants to see her wild and unhindered. He wants her, period.

He starts by kissing her thoroughly. First her lips, because he feels he could kiss them forever and not grow tired of their softness and their shape. Then he kisses down her jawline, settling on her pulse for a second, sucking in the soft tender skin. It only worsens the painful ache between her legs, and she tries to rub herself against him to relieve some of the tension, but Jay has other plans.

He lets her brace herself to the iron headboard and takes advantage of their position to expertly remove her bra. It’s a gorgeous lacy thing and he’s never wanted it gone faster.

“You’re a tease,” she mutters, letting out a moan when his mouth settles on her nipples, circling and sucking until she’s all but writhing against him. He wants to make it last, but he also doesn’t know how much longer he can take without burying himself inside of her—something he’s wanted to do since he first laid eyes on her.

She pushes down his boxers, helping him to get fully hard, licking her lips at the sight of him. But whatever thoughts she was contemplating then, he interrupts, because the last thing he wants is to come in her hand like some teenager without control.

She yelps when he turns her against the wall, her hands grabbing the railing for stability. He doesn’t even remove her underwear. He just pushes it aside and slams into her, both of them groaning at how good it feels. Not good. Amazing.

Erin can feel his hot breath on her neck while he thrusts inside of her tirelessly. She can feel his strong hands holding her hips with bruising strength to keep her in place. And she can feel her orgasm approaching with inevitable speed.

“I’m gonna…” She warns, and the only thing that keeps her from slamming her head into the wall in front of her is the fact that he pulls her back against him, so her head falls back on his shoulder instead, as he continues thrusting until he comes himself.

It always gets awkward after, and that’s when Erin usually bails, but for some reason, this feels different. He gets her a beer from the kitchen while she visits the bathroom and redresses herself with the pieces of clothing she can find at a first glance.

“Leaving already?”

“Most guys prefer it if I do,” she replies, taking a sip of her beer. She fidgets with the bottle—the only clear sign that under the calm exterior, she’s a little bit of a mess. But this mess, he wants.

“Well I have a late start tomorrow, and I wasn’t done yet, but suit yourself.” He shrugs, like he doesn’t really care, but his face lights up when she drops her purse on the floor, along with her dress.

When he wakes up for work the next morning, she’s gone, but there is a note on his pillow with a painted press of her lips and a phone number, along with the words _use it_ written with the same shade of lipstick.

And he just might.

* * *

He doesn’t call. He chickens out, because he doesn’t know how to do casual outside of one-night stands. He doesn’t want to make her a booty call, even though she acted as if she wouldn’t mind it. The truth is, he’s not that kind of guy, and after being in a monogamous relationship for the past three years (well at least he thought it was monogamous), it’s not easy for him to jump back to that.

But she haunts his min. Which is why, when Adam asks him to go with him to some crazy pool party being thrown by some famous person, Jay considers it a favour, but also a way to get the mysterious Erin out of his head for a while.

Except there she is, wearing a killer bikini, holding a cocktail and swaying her hips to the beat of the music blasting through the air. And it suddenly becomes way too hot for him to bear.

Before she can spot him, he seeks refuge in the air-conditioned kitchen, finding himself a cold beer.

“You didn’t call,” she says, sneaking up behind him. So much for going unnoticed.

“I’m bad at this,” he admits, hoping the truth will set him free.

“Technology?” The teasing tone in her voice makes the corners of his mouth turn up.

“Casual.”

“Ah.” She bites her lower lip at a loss for words, and all he can think is she’s turning him on by doing something as mundane as chewing on her lip.

“Maybe you could teach me,” he whispers, pulling her closer with a hand on her lower back. Her skin is still hot from the sun, and she smells like sunscreen and chlorine and he forgets his own name.

“Tip number one, when the girl tells you to call, _call_.”

He pushes the fabric of her swimsuit to the side, plunging a finger inside of her. A gasp escapes her, and he finds—with pleasure—that she’s already wet for him. He adds another finger and pushes in, pumping in a rhythm he knows will get her there. After all, he did get her there four times in a row that night.

“Someone could come,” she whispers, not really seeming bothered but more excited by the prospect.

“Let them,” he groans, rubbing her clit with his thumb. Her eyes are feverish as he fucks her with his hand, chasing her toward the cliff and then pushing her right over the edge. She soaks his fingers, and he grins wickedly when he sees the dazed expression on her face. Somebody enters the kitchen, so he slowly pulls his hand away, intentionally intensifying the aftershocks of her orgasm.

“I think I’m gonna go for a swim,” he informs her. A swim he really needs, because only the lack of privacy is stopping him from showing her how hard he is for her. “I’m hoping you’ll accept my apology.”

Erin swallows, barely gaining her senses back. “I think you’re doing just fine without my help.”

* * *

“Do you have to get up so early?”

Jay can’t blame her for her reluctance to get up. It’s still dark out there and the radio clock on the nightstand shows it’s 3:18. He glances back at the bed, where she’s stretching like a cat. He can’t believe only his job and this flimsy sheet are separating him from her, but the call came in and he _has_ to go.

“You’re welcome to stay,” he tells her, since he really doesn’t like the idea of kicking her out in the middle of the night. Especially not after spending two whole days in this bed together, doing things he’s pretty sure are still illegal in some parts of the world.

“M’kay.”

He’s about to leave when he feels her body press against his from behind, her arms wrapping around his torso. This is something he could maybe get used to.

“Will you let me shoot your gun sometime?”

“Maybe in a controlled environment,” he allows the possibility, trying not to be too horrified by the idea of her holding a gun, before turning around and kissing her speechless. “I have to go.”

“Will I see you later?”

“The case might run late, but I’ll text you as soon as I know.”

“Okay. Now go, before I change your mind.”

And terrifying revelation as it is, Jay thinks she might be able to do just that.

* * *

“You’re late. That’s twice this week.”

“Sorry, sarge.” Jay makes a mental note he can’t let Erin distract him from his work. She is, after all, a booty call. One occupying his bed and his thoughts for a while now, but a booty call nonetheless.

“You good, man?”

“I’m fine. The bed was just so… warm,” Jay says, knowing Adam would understand the meaning behind it. True enough, his friend chuckles.

“You seeing someone?”

“It’s… we’re keeping it casual.”

“So that’s why you disappeared from the party the other day?”

Jay nods, making his way through the crime scene, searching for anything they’ve missed. He can’t deny his life has gotten better since a certain brunette entered it. He feels lighter somehow, and he’s not sure if it’s just the amazing, no-strings-attached sex he’s been having, or something else.

But he doesn’t want to think about it—doesn’t want to complicate things—so he focuses on the case, and hopes that a couple of days of alone time will clear his head.

* * *

“You disappeared from the party again. Albert said you just left him at the table.”

“Oh, was that his name?” She’s almost sure his name was Jack. “Sorry.” Erin picks at her salad in the club. She knew this lunch with her mother was a trap, but she managed to avoid her long enough. It’s time to face the music, as they say. “He was so boring.”

She listens to her mother go on about how important it is for their family that she marries well and preserves their good name. It makes her literally consider slipping out at the back door, but she powers through.

“I’m seeing someone.”

“Really? Is it serious? Is he from a good family?”

“It’s not serious, and I have no idea. Just stop setting me up, please?”

Her mother fires about fifty questions at once, but Erin only continues picking at her salad like it’s the only thing to do, letting her mom chat on about responsibilities unaware she is in for a nasty surprise when she gets home.

* * *

“All right, we got a new case. The order came from the captain, since it’s a high-profile case. I expect you’ll handle it with discretion.”

Voight leaves a file on Al’s desk, muttering something about how they really don’t need him on this case before shutting the door of his office.

“It’s a stalker,” Antonio announces after reading it. “I can’t remember whose turn it is. Halstead’s?”

“Ugh, high profile means a daddy’s girl got a death threat from one of her friends?”

“Whoa, but this one is good,” Adam chimes in, picking up the copy. “Erin Lindsay is the one getting stalked.”

“Oh, I love her!” Kim squeals, making the guys roll their eyes.

“Never heard of her.” Jay shrugs, trying to avoid how his heart just jumped a little when the name Erin was mentioned.

“Her dad owns the Chicago Cubs,” Kim quickly explains. “She’s a socialite.”

“Which is always code for spoiled brat with a trust fund,” Adam explains, “but she is hot.”

“Oh, yeah? How hot?”

Adam pulls out a phone and googles the name. And with the first glance of her face Jay realizes he’s gotten himself into quite a situation here. The familiar face looking back at him from Adam’s phone screen is almost taunting him. It’s not that she ever lied to him. He just never asked—as if simply knowing too much about her would make their affair less casual. And she never said anything, because she was likely relieved he didn’t know.

But the cat was so out of the bag now, and when Antonio sees his face, he quickly decides it _is_ his turn, so Jay has no choice but to visit the address of his booty call with two very excited co-workers, who can’t wait to meet the face they’ve seen on tv so many times.

If Erin is surprised to see him there, she doesn’t show it. Doesn’t blink, to be exact. Doesn’t react, allowing him to keep his secret from his team a little longer. But it’s hard to remain professional, because this _is_ the girl he’s sleeping with, and even though they’re keeping it casual, he’s not completely indifferent to the scared look on her face.

A look around the apartment tells Jay this is not a spoiled Barbie getting a death threat case. All the breakables are smashed on the ground. Everything has already been catalogued by responding officers, but she hasn’t had time to clean it up yet, and Jay can really get the impact of the scene. This was done with anger. Rage even.

“Did you ever get a feeling someone was watching you? Following you?”

Erin snorts with irony. “I’m always followed. I can barely get out of here without at least five paparazzies following me. I just tune it out mostly. Pretend they’re not there. Even if somebody did follow me, it wouldn’t have felt out of the ordinary to me.”

It fills him with sadness to hear her say it. But at the same time, it explains a lot of things about her.

“Anything else seem out of the ordinary lately? No detail is too small.”

“I don’t think so. I can’t think of anything.”

“Any new people in your life? Someone who could’ve made your stalker lash out like this?” Adam asks the question completely oblivious, but Erin actually blushes and turns her gaze at the floor.

“A guy,” she admits. “Nothing serious,” she mumbles, trying not to blush too much. Despite her reputation, she’s not a slut, and she doesn’t sleep around often—at least not as often as the tabloids say she is. “Just keeping it casual.”

Jay swears in his mind. She used the exact same phrase he did earlier with Ruzek. And he might be an annoying shit sometimes, but Ruzek is a good detective. And it doesn’t help that Jay accidentally let slip that the woman keeping his bed warm was named Erin.

“Oh, yeah, there is a lot of casual going around right now,” Ruzek replies, hinting at the truth. “We will need a name to check out his alibi. You never know who you’re dealing with.”

“I’ll get it to you.”

Adam continues with the routine questions they ask in a stalking case. “Is there anyone who has access to your apartment? A key? The security code?”

“Well my parents, my friend Nadia sometimes comes and crashes here when she’s in town. But she’s in Bali right now doing a shoot. She’s a fashion photographer. Uhm, and my other friend. But he didn’t do this.”

“We’re still gonna need a name to check it out.”

“Look, I would appreciate if we could keep this out of the report? If the media gets their hands on this, I’ll be ruined.”

“Who is the friend?”

“Kelly Severide.”

“Whoa,” Adam goes, “talk about fraternizing with the enemy.” Jay glances at Kim and Adam. They both seem surprised—shocked even, but for some reason it makes sense. As a long-time White Sox fan, Severide is a name he does recognize immediately. Leave it up to Erin to befriend the son of the rival baseball team owner.

“We’ve been friends for a long time. But we keep it under wraps, because of our families’ rivalries and the stupid feud. And he’s not even in town right now. He was in New York when this happened.”

“Okay, so we got nothing on that end. Any other one-night stands? Someone who could have become obsessed with you after?”

“Don’t believe everything you read in the tabloids. There was one guy, I’m pretty sure he’s not stalker material.”

Erin immediately looks worried at the low prospects of any sort of lead, and Jay wants nothing more than to say something to put her at ease, but he can’t find the right words. As if on cue, Kim is the one that finds them.

“Hey, we’ll get him,” she assures Erin, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. Jay hates how tiny and vulnerable she looks in her leggings and an oversized sweater. It’s completely different from all the times he’s seen her in a sexy dress or not dressed at all. “It might take some time, it’s always tricky with these cases. Do you have anywhere else you can stay? Staying here might not be the best idea until the alarm is fixed and the locks are changed.”

She glances at Jay, chewing on her lip absent-mindedly. They lock eyes for a second before looking into the opposite direction, both flustered by the connection.

“I don’t really want to go back home.” _Her parents are already going to have a field day with this._ “Maybe a hotel, but that’s like even easier to get into. I think? I’ll figure something out, don’t worry.”

“We’ll be on our way then. If you remember anything else, anything at all that might help us catch him—”

“I’ll let you know,” she confirms, and tells them to call if they have any follow up questions. Ruzek and Burgess head for the door, and Jay mutters something about catching up.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It was just so refreshing to be with someone who didn’t care who I was. And I’m sorry this is so much drama. I know you wanted casual.”

“Well since in this particular case the drama isn’t your fault, I think I can let it slide,” he tells her jokingly, happy when she smiles back at him. He takes his keys out of his pocket, sliding off his apartment key. “Here. Stay as long as you want.”

“I don’t wanna put you out. I can really go stay at a hotel.”

“I’m offering. You know how to get there?” Erin nods. Before she can say another word or protest his invitation some more, he’s kissing her. It’s a kiss that makes her knees weak and her mind blank and for a moment she forgets. “Don’t think there’s nothing in it for me,” he tells her, intent on keeping it light between them.

“In that case, why don’t I pack some clothes,” she whispers, still breathless from the kiss.

“You won’t need them.”

“I was thinking more like a dozen sets of lingerie?”

“Oh, you’ll definitely need them.”

* * *

When Jay comes home that night, a soft light is coming from the bedroom. She’s curled up in the bed with her laptop, wearing a pair of cotton underwear and his favourite shirt. No need for lingerie—this is the hottest scene he’s ever witnessed.

She looks up, smiling. “I found your wi-fi password on the fridge; I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. Make yourself at home.” He knows it isn’t anything like her posh apartment, or the expensive things she’s used to, but for her, it’s one of the safest places to be right now.

“I did.”

She hates to admit it, but she does feel at home in his apartment. In his bed, more specifically. Given the casual nature of their relationship, she isn’t sure she’s supposed to feel so comfortable around him, but it’s too late now. She feels at ease, which is something unusual for her.

“I’m gonna take a shower.” He wants to join her in bed, where he bets it’s all warm from her body and he wants to pull her against him and sleep for two days straight. But a shower has to come first.

He doesn’t even manage to lather up, before he feels her body slip in. Her hands caress his back as she steps under the water. She presses kisses on his back, enjoying the way his muscles tense up when her arms wrap around his waist.

“I could get used to this,” he admits, before turning to face her, loving the way her hair sticks to her shoulders when the spray of water hits her. She looks like a goddess, even without make up.

“I bet,” she replies, letting out a soft moan when he adjusts the temperature to warm. “Have I thanked you properly for letting me crash here?”

“You don’t need to thank me.”

Erin shakes her head, a wild glint in her eyes. She leans in for a kiss while his hands try to get a firm grip on her slippery skin. Her lips leave a trail of kisses down his jaw, occasionally indulging in a soft bite. She sucks on his neck, leaving behind a tell-tale red sign, before moving down.

As she drops to her knees, she makes sure to let Jay know just how grateful she really is.

* * *

“Dude, I can’t believe you’re banging Erin-fucking-Lindsay and you didn’t tell me. I’m your best friend.”

“Antonio is my best friend, and I’m telling you I didn’t know. I don’t follow tabloids. She never even told me her last name.”

A fact they have promptly rectified by a long conversation in bed after their shower, which only ended when the water turned cold and they had to move to bed. She answered all of his questions, and he shared some things of his own. It might not have been the best idea, since the more he got to know her, the more he realized his feelings for her were all but casual.

“Well is she good? Cause tabloids say she’s a killer in bed.”

Jay remains quiet, a hint of smile on his lips. He never could quite understand what prompted people to discuss every detail of their sexual encounters, but he was a gentleman.

“I don’t kiss and tell, man.”

But the expression on his face spoke more than any words ever could, and the slow grin spreading was worth a thousand words. In the end, Adam gives up, patting his friend’s shoulder in a _well-done_ manner.

* * *

Jay throws himself into the stalker case—not because he wants her to leave, but because he’s genuinely concerned about her safety. The initial break-in was followed by two notes, one of which implied the stalker has grown out of the obsessed state and is now convinced if they can’t have her, nobody can.

Which is why after several pleas and hints, he takes her out of the apartment. There have been no incidents for the past couple of days, so he doesn’t think he’s putting her in danger.

Her eyes gleam with excitement when he hands her the noise-cancelling headgear. “I can shoot now?”

“At the target, yes.” God help him for putting a gun into her hands, but he wants to teach her how to defend herself if he’s ever not around. He keeps telling himself he would have done the same for anybody, but as he corrects her stance, he knows it’s not true.

He likes her. As more than just a fuck buddy.

She concentrates and an adorable little crinkle appears between her eyes. Then she releases the safety like he taught her, and after a moment’s hesitation, presses the trigger. It misses the target, but then he wasn’t expecting her to hit it on her very first try.

Standing behind her, he helps her by taking a hold of her arms, and raising them to be aligned with the target. “Don’t hesitate,” he whispers into her ear, and she releases her breath and the bullet at the same time.

It doesn’t miss the target this time. It’s not the best shot, but it’s not the worst one either, but of course she accuses him of distracting her and doesn’t allow them to leave until she gets the perfect target, with Jay learning just how highly competitive she is.

“Do I get my own gun now?” She asks, proudly holding her target paper.

“Not in a million years. I have a gun at my place, I wanted you to feel comfortable around it, and be able to use it safely if there was ever a need.”

“Can we do this again? It was fun.”

“Sure.” He tries not to think about how this feels awfully like a date, but then she leans in and presses a kiss to his cheek. A soft, innocent kiss that has nothing to do with their casual arrangement. It’s just a kiss to say _thank you_ or maybe even more than that.

* * *

He figures the best option, besides teaching her how to handle a gun, is self-defence. So he finds himself in a round of involuntary morning exercise—on his morning off, he might add, which he would very much prefer to spend in bed with a certain brunette who’s currently writhing underneath him.

“You’re going down, Halstead,” she growls, and he find she also has quick instincts as he ducks her well-aimed fist. He’s not surprised she can hold her own, even without prior training. But he’s especially proud when she actually listens to him and performs a defence move he taught her.

“Got any other moves you wanna show me?” She asks, straddling him and pinning his arms down. To be fair, she’s pinning him down because he’s letting her, and by the glimmer in her eyes, he thinks she’s aware.

She makes sure their morning doesn’t go to waste after all.

* * *

It's easier after he knows, because she doesn't have to worry about him finding out all the time. In her experience, guys usually take one of two roads. They either want her for her fame and money, or they don’t want any part of it.

But Jay… he just seems to want _her_. For no apparent reason.

And honestly, she doesn’t know what she’s doing with him. But she likes him. He’s smart and ambitious but does not care about money—he cares more about solving all the hard cases and making it to sergeant one day. He tells her almost with a whisper one night when they lie in bed, their bodies inched towards each other, but not spooning because it would be too intimate for the label they’ve slammed on their relationship.

But as he looks at her, telling her one of his deepest secrets, Erin thinks maybe there’s nothing casual about the way her eyes lock on his in perfect understanding. Despite their bodies lying inches apart, the intimacy between them is hard to compare to anything she’s ever felt before.

* * *

They’re not exactly sex buddies anymore. They can’t be, not after the circumstances have ensured they now cohabitate (as temporary as it may be). But they’re not dating either, because Jay has dated girls and that’s not it. All he knows is that she’s currently not sleeping with any of the men tabloids are claiming her to be, because she falls asleep next to him every night.

They go out occasionally. He soon finds she prefers simple dates, so they go for a drive and eat burgers on the hood of his car. Anything that gets them away from the crowds of people seemingly suffocating her.

But of course, things are going too great for it to be real. And when he comes to work the third week into their little arrangement, Adam pulls out his phone and hands it to him.

“Have you seen this?”

Jay frowns, then all the colour disappears from him face, his boss’s words echoing in his minds. _Never get your picture in the paper._ And there he is, with _her,_ laughing about something while walking towards his apartment.

_Spotted: Erin Lindsay and her new beau._

Desperate, he calls her, and properly explodes about the picture. She stutters in reply, not sure why it’s such a big deal. He yells at her over the phone, because he’s frustrated and this thing took him by surprise.

Erin cuts him off, telling him she’ll handle it and then hangs up.

* * *

After a couple hours, all the pictures are down, and he doesn’t know what strings she’s had to pull to make it happen, because he knows once the pictures are on the internet, they are on the internet. He’s sure some are bound to be circulating by people who have downloaded them, but he still feels calmer by the time he comes home.

The most obvious sign is the silence—which is also the only thing she’s left behind. Her things are gone, the only trace she was ever there the scent of her perfume on his pillow and the note she’d scribbled on a receipt.

_I’m not worth it._

His life feels empty again almost immediately.

* * *

Jay was never one to follow the tabloids, but he checks them now, looking for any news of her. She’d changed her number, and when he went to her place, the doorman told him she’d temporarily moved out as a safety precaution, which due to her stalker still being at large, doesn’t surprise him.

Except for social media, which according to her Instagram profile she’s taking a break from, he’s got no way of contacting her. At least the online sources claim she’s doing okay. She takes a vacation right after she leaves his place. He wonders who she’s running from. Her stalker, or _him?_

He doesn’t want to know the answer.

* * *

Erin needs some time to put herself back together.

Their Nantucket coastal house always does the trick. She makes sure to stock up on food before she goes, so she doesn’t need to make any unnecessary trips into town, instead spending some time alone, doing the things she can’t in the city. The water is still too cold to swim, but she jogs along the beach and reads on the porch. She sleeps, feeling unusually tired all the time. And almost sad.

While talking to Nadia one day, her friend laughs. “You’re heartbroken. It’ll pass.”

Erin wonders if that’s really it—if she felt more for Jay than she admitted to herself, but she shakes it off, because it was just a mutual benefits friendship type of thing. Nothing else. So she laughs back at her friend, claiming she’d actually need to have a heart to be heartbroken.

Before they hang up, Nadia gives her one more piece of advice. “You know the best way to get over someone right?”

* * *

“Hey, Erin.”

“Logan, hey, I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Her family has owned this house pretty much since she can remember, and so have the owners of the house next door. Their son, Logan, is roughly her age and as far as she can remember he followed his father’s footsteps and found himself in the hotel business.

They used to spend all their childhood summers in Nantucket while their parents were in the city. It gave them a certain freedom—running around the beach, sharing sloppy first kisses when nobody was looking. Sharing other firsts as well.

“Forever seems about right.” He still has that warm smile she used to love. And his eyes still have the flirtatious gleam in them. The ocean behind him brings the blue out even more. “You escaping the city for a while?”

“Yeah, I needed it. You?”

“Just acquired another hotel for our chain. I decided I needed a break. From everything. I always loved coming here.”

“I thought business men never rest.”

“No, just the boring ones.”

The conversation flows, and before she can talk herself out of it, she’s accepting his invitation to dinner. She remembers what Nadia said. The best way to get over somebody, is to get under somebody else.

And they do say you never forget your first.

* * *

The brief encounter with Logan was just what she needed. It took her mind off of things were stressing her out.

By the time she returns, her mom has already emailed her at least six prospective new places to rent, and she spends the day looking at them, but in the end decides to crash with Nadia until she can find something more permanent. She doesn’t want to make the decision on impulse.

She throws herself into a project. There are several charity boards she’s a member of, and they are all in desperate need of cash influx. So, a charity gala seems like the appropriate fundraising activity. Or maybe a picnic, since it’s summer. An outdoor luncheon, for all the richest people to come and open their wallets a little.

Soon, she’s making calls and to-do lists and for a little while, she doesn’t think about Jay at all.

* * *

The charity event occupies her mind for almost the entire week, so she doesn’t have time to think about men or the predicament she’s found herself in. It isn’t until she’s standing at the garden, wearing a designer sundress and flats, smiling politely at everyone when the shock comes.

She spots Nadia first, and she’s chatting amicably with none other than Jay. She curses under her breath, stuffing a salmon puff in her mouth. _What are they talking about? And why didn’t Nadia tell her she was coming back?_ She would have to find a place quickly now, especially if her boyfriend was with her. The shy twenty-something computer analyst was so nervous around Erin for some reason, she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. At first, she had her doubts about the shy boy with a weird name—what kind of a name is _Mouse_ anyway? But she had to admit they were a good fit and Nadia’s positive cheery attitude presented a unique contrast to his personality.

She tries to find cover, but Nadia waves her over, and in her hostess mode, she smiles and joins them.

Judging by the expression on Nadia’s face, she knows well that Erin hates surprises and that she’s more than annoyed at this turn of events, but her warmth quickly melts the ice, and Erin rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

“Look who I found, and he says he knows you, too.”

Erin’s gaze meets his and for a moment she’s taken back to the bar, with the electric energy between them perhaps even heightened by their past encounters. But it doesn’t matter. It’s futile.

“How did you get in?” She asks, not exactly angry, but her voice does reflect her slight annoyance. Who does he think he is, showing up after she’s spend the past two weeks trying to forget him?

“I bribed the doorman, please don’t fire him.”

“I don’t want to interrupt, but Erin, do you know Logan is also here?”

Erin’s head snaps to the other side to follow where Nadia is pointing, and sure enough there he is, all blonde and rich and yummy in his chinos and a short-sleeved shirt, still looking like he stepped out of Vogue magazine. She supresses the need to roll her eyes.

Her eyes involuntary dart to Jay, who’s looking pretty out of place in his black jeans and a blue henley (don’t get her wrong, she loves the henley and what it does to his biceps).

“Great.”

“I heard you two spent some time together in Nantucket.”

“Bloody Patricia.” Patricia was their neighbour, and she was also the biggest gossip in the world. If she had so much as caught a glance of them together, everybody was destined to know by now. How could she forget about Patricia? Momentary insanity.

“I’m gonna go say _hi,_ excuse me,” Nadia said politely to Jay while retreating to greet her old friend.

“Hi,” Jay begins, feeling out of place all of a sudden. The mere mention of Nantucket was an unnecessary reminder that she’s rich. The looks people are giving him are starting to get to him and he feels more insecure than he’s willing to admit. “I just wanted to see you. I didn’t like how we left things.”

“How did you even know about this?”

“Google alert.”

She feels oddly flattered. Even though it’s entirely beside the point now. They can never be, and she’s starting to feel this is only dragging out the inevitable.

“I’m sorry about the pictures. I was so used to them, I didn’t even stop to think what it could potentially do to your life and your career. It was too good to be true anyway.”

“Don’t say that.”

He inches closer. His breath tickles the skin on her face, and for a brief moment, she thinks he’s going to kiss her, before they’re interrupted by another man in her life.

“Erin.”

“Logan. It’s good to see you again so soon.” She smiles genuinely, even though she really wasn’t expecting anything from him. And even so, he might have given her something she didn’t know she needed. Clarity.

“I just wanted to contribute to the cause. You always did know how to throw a party.”

“I appreciate it. Every donation counts.”

She stands there, torn between two guys looking at her. She knows it would be polite to make introductions, but she can’t seem to bring herself to present the first guy she ever loved to the guy she’s just realized she’s in love with.

“I heard you’re in the market for a new apartment. I wanted to offer one of our suites until you find one. Only the best for the best.”

“That’s sweet,” she manages, completely shocked by the offer. But their hotels are _the best_. The Ascotts have been in the hotel business for generations and Logan is slowly taking over the reins. Besides, she is in a desperate need of some pampering. “I’ll take you up on it. Nadia’s back in town, and I don’t want to get in her way. Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second?”

He nods, and follows her. When she returns a couple of minutes later, Jay is gone, and not even the most generous donation to the women’s shelter can help pick up her mood again.

* * *

As she drags herself back to Nadia’s every muscle in her body is complaining from running around the whole day, trying to put together a perfect event. The daughter of a rich man, she often gets reproached because she doesn’t work, or do anything. And true enough, she doesn’t feel like she ever found her _thing._ Maybe because lack of financial stability was never a concern or because her parents never had any expectations but for her to behave and marry someone appropriate.

Because she was able to, she tried out a variety of things. She went to college, obviously. Her parents picked Yale for her. She modelled some, mostly as a brand ambassador. There was that one movie she starred in—pretty decent, though she’s not an Oscar-worthy actress by nobody’s standards.

The truth was, it was slowly killing her—the not knowing what to do with her life, the lack of purpose. If only for a minute, Jay changed that. When she was with him, she felt she was more than a spoiled socialite gracing the front pages of all the tabloid magazines.

God, she really needs to shake him—it’s not like they were going to have some epic romance. They had a consensual and mutually satisfying sexual relationship, and nothing else. It wasn’t his fault that she fell so easily.

At least the conversation with Logan was more than enlightening. It cleared up her mind the way nothing else quite could. Even after she told him what happened in Nantucket would have to stay there, he reiterated his offer for her to stay at one of the Ascott hotels. He understood, or at least he tried to. He was disappointed, but then his lips spread into a typical Logan-smile, when he wished her good luck.

After picking up her things at Nadia’s, she heads to the hotel. Going up to her room, she has a weird feeling somebody is following her, but she rides the elevator alone, and there is nobody in the hallway. It’s just this feeling she can’t quite shake.

Minutes after she gets into her room, not even taken off her dress, there is a knock on the door. Her heart goes a little faster. Maybe checking into a hotel—even the best one—wasn’t the best idea given she has a stalker, and hotels are the one place where anybody could just walk in. There isn’t even a peephole to check who it is, so she reluctantly cracks the door open and lets out a sigh of relief.

“Jay.”

“I needed to see you,” he says, his voice laced with urgency and desperation. “I couldn’t just leave it like that.” _Things unsaid. Lips unkissed._

“You shouldn’t be here,” she murmurs softly when he pushes into the room and closes the door behind him. He’s so handsome it takes her breath away—somehow looking out of place in the luxurious hotel room and yet like he belongs there at the same time. “Someone could see.”

“I was careful.”

“Well you shouldn’t be here anyway. Nothing’s changed, Jay. I’m still me. I live in the spotlight. It’s the only thing I’m good at. And it’s the one place where you can’t be. I get it. So why give it another thought? It was just a casual fling.”

He nearly flinches when she says it’s the only thing she’s good at. For someone who puts on a very self-confident front, her opinion of herself is terrible. He pauses to focus before giving her his reply. “Because I felt something.”

Erin closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Emotions rage inside her—relief she isn’t the only one and utter heartbreak because she knows it’s going to be even harder to walk away. So she puts on a strong face and hopes the lie comes off convincingly.

“Well that’s your problem.” _Ouch. That possibly hurt her more than it hurt him._

“I don’t think so.” He shakes his head. “Look me in the eye and say you didn’t feel anything for me.”

She looks him in the eyes, raising her chin in defiance. “It was just sex.” _Maybe if she believed it, he would too._ But he reacts exactly the way she expects him to.

“Bullshit.”

“Don’t make this harder.”

“I just wanna hear it.” They stare into each other’s eyes, the immense connection between them sparkling. She’s drawn into him, into his presence, into his arms. But she swallows the need and the want and delivers her answer with fury instead.

“Fine! I felt it. Are you happy? We still can’t be together, so I don’t see how this changes anything. You’re a cop, you need to keep your picture out of the paper, I get it. But the spotlight is where I live. It’s the only thing I’ve ever known!”

He takes a deep breath, taking the plunge, pressing into her personal space. His hands trace her skin like it’s his dying wish. Before he presses his lips to hers, he inhales her scent and his senses get flooded by a mixture of her favourite soap mixed with salmon and champagne. She even _smells_ rich _._

Erin leans back in, and it’s all it takes to convince him to close the distance left between them.

He wants to inhale her. Wants to crawl under her skin to get closer. It’s the moment he knows what he felt was stronger than like. It was stronger than lust.

She feels it too. Something is different. She can’t quite put her finger on it—on what’s different this time. Maybe it’s the fact they both know it’s the end. There’s nothing left to lose because they’ve already lost it all. There are no more games, no need to act. It’s just the two of them… tired limbs tangling together in a slow torturing dance. They undress almost tentatively, as if without clothes they unveil something more than just their bodies.

His fingertips graze down her spine, slipping underneath the cool fabric of her dress and hooking his finger behind the expensive fabric of her lingerie. He adores her tendency to always wear a matching set, and this time is no different. She slips it off her shoulder and when it pools at her feet it leaves in sight startlingly white lace.

“Beautiful,” he murmurs, his expression bordering on pain when he realizes it’s their last time.

“Do me a favour,” she pleads.

“Anything.”

“I can’t do goodbyes. When I wake up…”

“I won’t be here,” he promises. Jay understands better than anyone and hates himself a little for making this harder on her by coming here. But the selfish side of him whispers something else.

_You had to hear it. Just once._

His lips settle on hers, gentle but firm as he walks her toward the bed until her knees hit the edge of it. He just kisses her then for the longest time, enjoying that he never before had the opportunity. Casual sex friends just don’t kiss like that.

Not like lovers do.

When they were together in the past it was like diving straight into the water, jumping right in without thought or hesitation. It was sex. But this—this was slow and anticipated. It was like dipping your toes in, before submerging inch after inch into the water.

When he thrusts into her, he finds her eyes right before they close in pleasure. They’re misty with lust and something else. Something that wasn’t there before. It’s the moment he knows and can’t keep it in any longer.

He whispers words against her skin, setting up a slow tempo that suits them both. He builds the pleasure up inside of her like a skyscraper made of building blocks and then carefully tips it over.

Her skin is covered in goose bumps when she clenches around him, taking every thrust he can manage before he joins her. And when she curls up next to him, laying her head on his shoulder, he realizes she never said it.

He came here to hear her say it and she didn’t.

Maybe she didn’t have to.

* * *

Jay throws himself into work, and the unsolved cases piling on his desk make it easy. He puts in extra hours to make the boss happy and skips his daily drinks at Molly’s to catch up on some sleep.

He feels empty—he has ever since leaving her hotel room while she pretended to be asleep, but he thinks he heard her sob into the pillow at least once as he was picking up his stuff. But he’s worked hard for this opportunity at Intelligence and he wasn’t about to throw it away for a woman he hardly knows.

_Oh bullshit._

He is miserable. And when it comes to this strange painful feeling in his chest, it feels like there is no end in sight.

* * *

Thankfully, Erin has a lot to do. Nadia is packing for a trip, so she helps her with that. She finally finds a new place, and blackmails Kelly into helping her pack. Being around people who love her helps, so she avoids the calls from her mother and tries to give herself time to contemplate things in peace.

“Well, I might have something to distract you,” Kelly starts, jokingly throwing a pair of lace panties at her. “I asked Anna to marry me, and she said yes.”

“WHAT? How could you keep this from me!” She throws the panties back at him—a mockingly angry gesture, but really, her face is lit up with a smile. “I’m so happy for you!”

“Thanks. Anyway, I’ve been thinking. This, hiding our friendship was never a problem before, and I liked avoiding the drama, but Erin… I want you in the wedding. You’re my best friend, I’m not doing it without you.”

“You want to tell our parents?” She looks so horrified he has to laugh in return.

“I want to tell everyone.”

“Well this hiding has been getting old lately,” she admits. “Maybe it’s time.” It doesn’t mean she’s not scared. Her parents are already disapproving of her life and her choices, this will just be a cherry on top of the cake. Sometimes, she dreams of getting along with them, but she knows it’s a long shot. The simple fact is, not all families are tightly connected. Some of them—like the Lindsays—get together on minimal occasions and keep their conversations to judging.

“You’re more my family than they are. And honestly, going years without being discovered is a small miracle.”

Erin has to agree. In their world of bright spotlights and shadows with cameras, it is a miracle their secret has remained so long. And for one, she looks forward to being able to go to lunch outside, do the stuff normal friends do. She squeals with excitement as an idea crosses her mind.

“You have to let me help with the wedding!” The packing is temporarily forgotten as the two sit on the couch, eat pizza, and come up with a plan.

* * *

Jay starts seeing someone else, in hopes of forgetting a certain lively brunette who still occupies his dreams (day and night). He reads about her getting a ticket for speeding, and wonders briefly if her self-destructive behaviour has anything to do with them or if it’s just classic rich girl behaviour. He keeps wondering.

Adam and Kevin tease him about his new girl, because she—even though not remotely famous—belongs to a higher social strata, so they insinuate he’s gotten the taste for the money and there is no way back. Of course, Jay couldn’t care less about her money.

What matters is that for a brief moment in the day, he doesn’t think about Erin, and when he wakes up next to Emily, he starts to imagine maybe he’s over it. Over her.

It only takes one article to prove him wrong.

* * *

_SCANDAL! The heir to the Chicago Cubs seen hanging with Kelly Severide—the manager of the White Sox._

Jay scans over the title, until his eyes stop on her name. It’s one of those long articles, with multiple sources saying the two have been friends for years and that their parents are not taking it well. Jay can only imagine. The two families have been in an open feud since he can remember it. Even though Erin isn’t actively involved in the business, he’s heard Severide’s father had stepped down recently to allow his son to manage things for the club.

It must be hitting her pretty badly—he remembers how frantic she was about not wanting anyone to find out about them being friends. Maybe he should go over, see if she’s okay. Just out of friendly concern. He can wear a hoodie so the paparazzi can’t get him.

He picks up Thai on his way, because he knows it’s her comfort food, and then carefully makes his way into her apartment building. For a moment he wonders if maybe she’s moved to a new place, but then the concierge smiles knowingly and lets him up. The door to the apartment is locked, but he can hear banging from inside, clinking of dishes being broken. The take-out bag falls to the ground as he calls out her name, panic sweeping over him.

“ERIN? Erin, open the door!”

He slams into the door hard, trying to get his way in, but the extra precautionary measures they took for her safety did not foresee this, and the new door with the strong lock she had installed is now keeping the good guy out.

But Jay doesn’t see straight. At the sound of a whimper, he tries again, and again, and again, until the door goes flying and he unholsters his weapon, making his way inside, completely unprepared for what he finds.

Her face is beaten to a pulp, her body lying in a helpless heap on the floor, blood smeared on the otherwise pristine hardwood floor. But she’s breathing—he can see that much, because her chest moves as she heaves, rapid breaths coming out with moans of pain.

Her attacker is on the floor as well, knife sticking out of his neck. He leaves it in, checking for pulse and calling it in immediately when he finds it. He calls for two ambulances, and makes his way to Erin, but by the time he reaches her, she’s out cold.

It might be for the best, he decides. Her injuries don’t look too bad, but they sure do look painful. Brother of a doctor, he knows it’s important not to move her in case any bones are broken, so he waits for the paramedics, his heart going twice as fast.

A quick glance tells him she must’ve come back to finish packing—boxes littering the floor, mostly tipped over during the altercation. He allows himself to exhale.

A sudden realization dawns on him. He can’t bear losing her. Her infectious smile and her carefree nature have brought joy into his life—joy he didn’t know before. And losing it fills him with dread.

It seems his priorities have changed, and maybe it was high time he addressed it.

* * *

He doesn’t realize he doesn’t know any of her friends (except Nadia—if she even remembers him) or her family members until he’s slumped against a chair in the waiting room, completely out of the loop. Luckily, they’ve taken her to Chicago Med, so he sneaks enough information from Will to know that she’s okay, her injuries have been treated and she’s now resting.

The two people currently in the waiting room are whispering something about a scandal, so he figures they must be her parents, and he wants nothing more than to tell them off—remind them Erin’s well-being is more important than what the people are saying about her. But he bites his tongue. Honestly, he doesn’t even feel he has the right to be here.

Another familiar face, Jay thinks, when Severide comes rushing in. He’s seen him on television and somehow, he is even more strikingly handsome in person, and maybe Jay feels a small pang of jealousy of how close he is to Erin.

“You have no right to be here,” Erin’s father starts with a gruff voice that would have sent some of the finest officers to run for the hills. But the Severide doesn’t budge. Props for that.

“I have every right to be here. You’ve done nothing but criticize her forever. You shut down every attempt she made to make you proud. It was just never good enough for you. But you won’t push me away.”

The man has balls, Jay has to admit that. He gets up to find Will and see if maybe his brother can sneak him in to see the woman he’s hopelessly in love with. After all, all is fair in love and war, right? And when she wakes hours later, smiling at him, it makes all the trouble worth it.

* * *

A couple of days later, Erin wakes again, this time at home. The past days are hazy in her mind, but the one thing she remembers clearly is _him._ Jay was with her every second after she got to the hospital, sleeping in the hospital chair, even meeting her parents, because he refused to move from her side. They came, ever so briefly, to make sure their daughter wasn’t dying and surely to keep up appearances as well, but seeing Kelly standing in the corner, they made a swift exit. They still weren’t over the scandal that their pariah daughter caused a couple of days ago, and if Erin knows a thing about her parents—they are not quick to give up a grudge.

Glancing to the side tells her Jay is also here now. He’s turned on his side, giving her a spectacular view of his back, which makes her sigh with want. But she doesn’t allow herself the distraction. Because she never wants him to leave her bed.

He stirs, as if feeling her awaken. Turning to face her, he smiles. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

She’s so happy he’s here. It makes her eyes fill with tears at the thought of what she’s about to do, but it needs to be done. She won’t be that person. As much as she’s enjoyed having him here, as steady as a rock for her, she knows it can’t last.

“We need to talk.”

And then she gets it all out.

“I can’t be the person you lose your job for. I won’t. It will make you resent me, and it will make you bitter and then at the end, you’ll stop loving me, because you had to give up something so important for me. I can’t do that.”

“Erin, please… I’m sure there is some sort of a compromise we can work out. I can’t imagine losing you. When I saw you on the floor…”

He already told her about this at the hospital, right after she woke up and murmured a soft _‘you’re here’._ He told her how his heart stopped when he thought she was hurt, and how relieved he was when it turned out to just be cuts and bruises.

“I’ll be okay. My stalker is behind bars.” It turns out Erin did know her stalker. Johnny Scavo was a photographer she worked with during her modelling days. Apparently, he developed some sort of fixation with her, deluding himself that they were in a relationship. The police did manage to tell her he had extensive underlying psychiatric issues, so it wasn’t that surprising.

“Don’t, don’t do this. I’m willing to risk it, can you just accept that?”

“It’s who you are, Jay. It’s something you love so much. I don’t know how you’ll bear losing it.”

_I love you so much. How will I bear losing you?_ But he doesn’t say it. He remains quiet, getting dressed while she sits in bed, having the audacity to look miserable—as if she wasn’t the one breaking up with him. _Again._

“So I guess this is it then.”

She nods. Feeling her heart crumble to million pieces, but having faith she’s doing the right thing for someone she loves. “I’ll see ya.”

“Don’t count on it.”

He slams the door behind him, and she finally lets go of all the pain. When Kelly arrives two hours later, she’s still sobbing.

* * *

Erin has always loved weddings. They represented love and new beginnings and celebrations of everything happy. But this one came at an unfortunate time. She couldn’t exactly enjoy the happiness when her heart was broken beyond repair.

At least one good thing came out of that whole deal. Her parents decided losing her over some stupid feud wasn’t worth it and organized a brunch with the Severides. They weren’t best buddies by far, but Erin could publicly attend Kelly’s wedding without major scandal. The media outlets still couldn’t believe that in the span of two weeks, the children of two major baseball moguls ended a years-long feud between their families.

Watching Kelly marry the love of his life brought tears to her eyes. But now, at the reception, she was wondering how long she still had to stay before she could bail and cry in her bed.

“Can I have this dance, before you bail?”

“Sure. But shouldn’t you be dancing with your wife?”

“She promised not to bail. You didn’t.”

“I’m sorry.” She can’t bring herself to explain, not on his big day. “I’m so happy for you, Kelly. Nobody I can think of deserves this happiness more.” They sway to the rhythm of Doris Day’s Dream a Little Dream of Me in the background.

“I can think of someone.” He’s looking over her shoulder now, grinning. “Please don’t be mad. I can’t look at you being so sad anymore.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Mind if I cut in?”

Kelly’s hand on her back is replaced by Jay’s, seemingly burning at the satin fabric of her dress. He smells the same he always did and she has difficulty breathing with the sheer proximity.

“We need to talk. This time I’ll talk, you listen.”

Erin just nods, unable to think of anything to say, while her mind is screaming. _What is he doing here?_

“I’m in love with you.” He says it in a voice devoid of feelings. Matter-of-factly. Stating the obvious. But she’s never heard it like this before and it makes her breathing even harder.

“No, don’t choke on me now. I’m in love with you. I want to be with you. The sacrifices I’m willing to make for that, are mine. You don’t get to tell me if I get to make them or not. That said, I came to a compromise with my boss. Since I’ll likely be sharing your spotlight, he wants me to do some PR stuff in addition to my regular job. He says it’ll make up for the fact I won’t be going undercover anymore. We’ll try it this way, and if it compromises the unit in any way, I’ll transfer to homicide. I’ll still be solving crimes; I’ll still be doing something I love. While also being with someone I love.”

Her head is spinning, so it’s a good thing his hold on her is strong. But she thinks it might also be because he thinks she’ll bolt if he gives her a chance to. She might have.

“I can’t breathe.”

“Good. Now you know how I feel when you keep breaking up with me.” His words are meant as a joke and she promptly rolls her eyes at him.

“Your life is gonna be a lot harder for being with me.”

“Erin, have you heard a word of what I just said?” He stops the dancing, suddenly somber and this time, ready for a fight. But she nods, smiling that golden smile at him.

“I have. I love you too.”

Then neither of them was dancing anymore, and she thinks for a moment that this—his lips covering hers—might be the answer to every question she’s ever had. It feels right. It feels good. And when she catches Kelly dancing with his new wife, she briefly wonders if she was wrong to dismiss that kind of love for herself. Because Jay makes her believe in it again. He makes her believe anything is possible.

And as their lips touch again and again, they don’t kiss as strangers, friends with benefits or even as lovers. They kiss like real people do. They kiss like people who in the multitude of options, have found the one they were inadvertently searching for.


End file.
